Do you want to be in a happy & equal relationship and STAY happy IN IT once the honeymoon phase ends?
You have to understand your attachment style FIRST.
This way, you can understand other people better & protect yourself from attracting toxic relationships.
Most of us have residual trauma. This doesn’t mean that your parents were terrible people. They were people…And they did the best they could with the knowledge they had.
I share this information to show you that limiting beliefs or self-sabotaging patterns are nothing to be ashamed of. Trauma bonding is a process that has to be UNLEARNED, and it takes time. Be patient with it and reach out for support when you need it. Vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness.
What are the five inner child archetypes?
The Caretaker/ People-Pleaser — Typically comes from codependent dynamics where one’s individual needs are deemed unimportant. Assumes that the only way to receive love is to be good and selfless.
- Associated limiting belief — “The only way to receive love is to cater to others and ignore my own needs. I need others to complete me. I have to say YES to everyone and put myself second.”
The Overachiever/Perfectionist typically comes here. One parent was a perfectionist. They use from families w external validation as a way to cope with low self-worth.
- Associated limiting belief — “The only way to receive love is through academic achievements, physical attributes, or financial or professional status. I am only worthy of love if I am “perfect” and perceived as successful.”
The Underachiever typically comes from families where one of the parents is ‘inferior ’ to the other or financially dependent on them. They believe that the only way to receive love is to stay invisible or hidden or to be “good” and agreeable.
- The associated limiting belief is, “I am not good enough to be seen or have needs. Good things happen only to other people. Something is wrong with me.”
The Rescuer/The “Parent” — Typically comes from families where one sibling (usually the oldest) had to take care of their brothers or sisters or “take care” of their parent. Ferociously attempts to rescue those around them in an attempt to feel “needed.”
- The associated limiting belief is, “I have to take care of others because they need me. I need other people’s approval to feel validated. I am responsible for others.”
The “FOREVER” Child/ The Life Of The Party— This archetype never grows up emotionally. Perceives life as an ongoing party as a way to avoid dealing with their emotions or pains.
- The associated limiting belief is, “I am not allowed to show pain or vulnerability. The only way to receive love is if others see me as a fun and cheerful person with no problems or struggles.”
You might find it USEFUL to know that people who share the traits of the Perfectionist/Overachiever type often feel like they need external validation to feel loved.
On the opposite side, individuals who represent the archetype of the “Caretaker” and the “Parent” are often attracted to people who make them feel “needed.”
The so-called “people pleasers” often find themselves in co-dependent relationships where they can search for someone to “complete them.”
The “Forever Child” archetype is often seen in emotionally unavailable partners who dodge commitment, play games or refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
They are often attracted to people who act as their “Parents” who can support or care for them financially.
& and so forth…
Questions to consider:
- How would you rate your life satisfaction from 1-10 (10 is best)?
- If it is less than a 10, what steps can you take to improve it?
- If you are not feeling LIGHT in your heart, what’s the impact of being stuck in the current situation?
- What, if anything, might be standing in the way of your happiness?
- How much self-care do you practice to feel healthy in your body and mind?
- How confident do you feel in setting healthy boundaries and expressing your needs and emotions CLEARLY and with kindness?
- How self-aware are you of your tendencies and patterns?
What`s your score?
The great news is that our brain is malleable and can be rewired with practice and commitment 🙂
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Remember, all healing starts in the heart.
Even if a part of you is under construction, you are not broken.
You are whole and complete.
It’s all about integrating all of your parts and releasing the tendencies and thought patterns holding you back.
~ With love,
Ana-Maria
Listen to our podcast interview with guest speaker, Kane Novak
