Improve Your Relationships With The Powerful Tools Of Appreciative Communication

When two people are experiencing conflict, they’re suffering from a loss of connection. All loss of connection in relationships stems from poor communication.

In this post you will learn how to use appreciative communication strenghten your rapport with a partner/collegues/family members/friends and avoid common misunderstandings caused by mis-communication.

“Relationship problems revolve around lack of healthy, assertive communication; communication that is open, direct, respectful, honest, and personal.”

– Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT Toxic Relationships

Communication that can GIVE you energy and have you feel safe and seen and heard is called “Appreciative Communication”.

AC is a coaching term described as listening with a willingness to consider that the other person has a point of view, or unmet need, or desire that’s right and good, even if it is contributing to a feeling of friction or conflict.

When communication breaks down in a relationship, communication may include a lot of criticism, defensiveness, maybe even contempt or disgust, “stonewalling,” where someone just leaves the conversation, either physically or energetically.

It’s hard to make much progress if your relationships lack good communication – they drain your energy, because you end up feeling unsafe, unseen, and unheard.

First, let’s establish what are the main toxic behaviors that poison relationships:

• Criticism


When one person implies that there is something wrong with the other person. The other person will most likely feel attacked and respond defensively.

• Defensiveness

When the person responding to a perceived criticism counter attacks with another criticism or plays the innocent victim.

• Contempt

When one person puts themselves on a superior moral high ground or holds the other with disgust.

• Stonewalling

When one person withdraws from the conversation either physically or energetically.

The opposite of closed-heart communication is Appreciative Communication

This method of communication requires a willingness to temporarily set aside your own assertion that you are right and the other person is wrong or misguided so you leave your “map” and listen attentively without judgement.

Coming from a lens of appreciation for another’s map means listening with a willingness to consider that the other person has a point of view, or unmet need, or desire that’s right and good, even if it is contributing to a feeling of friction or conflict.

If you are interested in a couple coaching, please e-mail customer support at coaching@lunavoda.com to request a session

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Scroll down to download the action sheet I created for you and check your score.

Questions for personal reflection:

Are you an attentive & active listener?
Do you pay attention to body language and non-verbal cues?
Do you find it easy to connect to your partner`s needs even if you disagree?
Do you listen absent-mindedly with your ears or do you listen with your heart and are energetically present in your conversations?
Do you empathize with people who judge or cause you to feel mistreated?
Do you easily go from judgement and resentment or do you hold on these feelings for a long time?
Do you openly communicate your feelings or do you expect the other person to “guess” what`s going on with you?
Do you set healthy boundaries in your relationships or do you struggle to express your needs?
Are you a people`s pleaser or are you share your opinions with assertiveness?
Do you invest an effort to make your partner/friends/family members feel appreciated, loved, seen and accepted for who they are, and for who you want them to be?
Click on the download and see my examples.

To recap, improving your communication in your relationships can help you:

  • Avoid negative misunderstandings.
  • Determine what your partner is really saying.
  • Avoid arguments more easily.
  • Be willing to give each other “space” instead of pressuring to resolve right away.
  • Increase trust.
  • Build emotional closeness and intimacy.
As a summary, please know that, I am here for you to answer any questions if they arrive. I will be SO happy if you don’t need any help and your relationships are thriving. If you do need help improving your communication skills (and, thus, improving your relationships), I am here for you.
With love and care,
~ Ana-Maria
Certified Transformational Coach

lunavoda@Icloud.com

A book I recommend dearly (*not sponsored).

Click on the photo to learn more about the book.

1 Comments on “Improve Your Relationships With The Powerful Tools Of Appreciative Communication”

  1. Reblogged this on Welcome To Luna Voda Coaching and commented:

    The current rate of divorce (as a non-amicable separation) in the states is around 3.2/1000 people

    Chances are this number will rise after 3 months spent in quarantine when any existing issues could only get exacerbated.

    Relationships are the backbone of our individual success.

    If they suffer, it is much more difficult for people to excel in their career.

    As I say often, don`t wait until it is urgent to improve the quality of your life.

    Here is a free article I wrote recently, with practical examples and downloadable exercises.

    And, as a bonus, a FREE Webinar:

    ~ Topic: How To Practice Self-Love With/Without A Partner: Free Webinar
    Start Time : May 30, 2020 10:29 AM

    Meeting Recording:

    https://us02web.zoom.us/…/utFJDYD_115LEtKK10LBVIEqP9_1aaa8g…

    Access Password: ImproveYourRship@1!

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