Deep Listening is the key to having a profound understanding of your correspondant and their deepest truths, challenges, pains, and aspirations.
Very often, it is not what people say to us but they way they say it: their intonation, body language and emotional presence.
When you are able to deeply listen, your own “monkey mind” goes quiet. Your own thoughts fade away. You just hear and absorb what the person is saying.
Why is the skill of being an active listener so important to your relationships? Because this way the person you are communicating with feels heard , and being heard is the experience of being acknowledged, respected, and accepted.
When you listen actively to what the other person is saying you are able to understand what they are telling you without referring to your own experience or bias.
Remember, it is about their experience, and not yours. More often than not, the people we are talking to desire to share what’s going on with them, without necessarily looking for advice.
Here are two exercises that teaches you how to practice listening without the desire to affect or respond to what the other person has to say – JUST LISTENING.
EXERCISE 1: MIRROR LISTENING
Mirror Listening is a technique to help you stay focused and “tuned in” when listening to other people. When you do mirror listening, you’ll be able to be present in the moment and tune out the distractions around you, as well as the distracting thoughts and feelings within.
To get started with mirror listening, start by choosing a youtube video or a talk radio show program.
(1) Choose one person’s voice and start whispering the speaker’s words at the same time the speaker says them. (So that you are mirroring, not repeating after them.) Mirror everything they say, word-for-word.
(2) After you get the first part down, try leaving out the sound. Just move your mouth, mirroring the words at the same time they are being said.
(3) Finally, mirror the words in your mind only. You’ll hear in your mind how your thoughts mirror what is being said, word-for-word, without spoken sound or physical movement.
Give this exercise some time, as it will take practice and effort.
One last thing – after you practice the exercise above, try mirror listening with an actual person with whom you are having a conversation. Notice how the experience is different.
Here’s a practical way to use this exercise in the “real world.” When you are talking with someone and your mind starts to wander off or get distracted, try mirror listening for 20 or 30 seconds, and watch how you tune right back to the speaker.
EXERCISE 2: DYAD LISTENING
Dyads are structured listening exercises between people working in pairs. Dyads are an exceptionally deep and safe method of communication that fosters trust, honesty, and connection between people. This is largely due to the strength of the listening role. The basic premise of dyad work is that communication between any two people can be incredibly powerful and healing, and can be used for transformational purposes.
During a dyad, the person listening is attentive to what their partner is communicating while remaining almost completely silent. The listener does not respond or react to what their partner says, either through comments or non-verbal cues such as smiling or nodding.
Sit down with a partner at a comfortable distance apart, facing each other. You can sit on chairs or sit on cushions on the floor. The partners should be at the same height though. Sit with your back straight and with your head balanced above your spine. Keep your body relaxed and your breathing free and easy.
Listening partner’s role:
· Keep attention on the speaking partner
· Listen to what the other says
· Don’t interrupt the other
· Make no critical judgments of the other
· Don`t make assumptions, just listen
· Abstain from giving unsolicited advice
· Remember that it is not about you, but about them
· Even if you are not sure what to say, be emotionally present
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Not feeling enough tends to produce lower self-esteem.
Not feeling enough often results in disordered body image
Not feeling enough corresponds to the tendency of seeking constant validation and approval from others
Not feeling enough robs us of our will power to claim our worth and set our standards.
Not feeling enough is a disempowering mindset that creeps in everything we think, do, and experience as a result of our beliefs. In order to reverse it, we must trace the root of its cause and reframe our relationship to events from our past that have impacted us negatively.
Do you agree?
If we don’t believe we are worthy of happiness, no external validation/accomplishment/or material possessions will prove to us that we are.
The proof is in the pudding, they say. And we are the chefs of our mental cuisine.
The way we think about ourselves shows up in what we receive from others. When we build an unshakeable confidence that is based on our instrinsic qualities and self-respect, our confidence sets the example for how we deserve to be treated.
When we decide that we are worthy of respect and love regardless of our age, physical looks or material acquasations — our self-esteem begins to bloom and transform. And with it, our beliefs that we are -after all – E N O U G H.
What You Need To Know To Build Healthy Habits That Stick
I get asked a lot what are my best tips for creating healthy habits. I call them the three juicy CCC: care, courage, and consistency.
Before even attempting to change your current lifestyle, you first have to know why do you want to do it. Does your goal to, let’s say, lose a few pounds feeds your ego, or does it support your mental and emotional wellness?
Need more guidance how to connect to your deep Why? read here.
Your choice to prioritize self-care should stem from your heart. Whatever your goal is, ask yourself: ”Why do I care so much to make this change?; ”What is my ”why”?”; ”How does my decision to change my lifestyle will benefit my well-being?”
Once you are set on your goal, you must practice bravery and courage. It isn’t easy to change old habits that have been solidly ingrained in your behavior for years. Most likely, your brain would try to ”protect” you from changing by tempting you to sabotage your progress.
Need more guidance how to reverse self-sabatoge? Check out this article.
Being courageous doesn’t mean we don’t stumble or that we don’t fall! It means we dare to be vulnerable and stand back again. Progress is never linear, and neither is courage. For that reason, you should care actively for your goal to keep your spirits high when things don’t go as smooth as you’d envisioned. And to keep your eye on your Why.
Once you prioritize self-care and dare to be courageous, the next step is to be consistent with your work. Please know that in six months you won’t remember the tough times when you’re close to giving up. You will only remember your courage to keep up with your self-care. By this point, you would have developed new habits and resolved limiting beliefs and constructive tendencies.
Changing is tough, but so worth it! I believe in You! 💜
How to know if you are ready for a change? Read this article.