Are you a chronic people pleaser? Are you desperate to gain other people’s approval while neglecting your own needs?
How To Express Your Needs Without Guilt
Shutting down (or stuffing in our emotions) doesn’t solve the root of your dissatisfaction; it only exacerbates it further until your bottled emotions erupt into an emotional tantrum.
Because if you have the pattern of not expressing your needs clearly, it is likely that, eventually, your numbed feelings will erupt like a volcano causing you to snap at people or say things you regret.
Have you ever vented to your friends about a mean boss or overly competetive co-workers?
A not so shocking fact is that only 12 % of employees who leave a well-paid job is for financial reasons…
The other 88 percent boils down to job dissatisfaction and NOT feeling appreciated.
Isn’t it ironic how often high-earners feel pressured to perform well while struggling with mental health issues, an IMPOSTER Syndrome, lack of sleep, low energy, chronic stress…and a crumbling relationship at home?!
You deserve BETTER!
When we feel underappreciated we:
* Are less productive
* Withdraw emotionally
* Feel taken for granted
* Lose trust and respect
* Lack deep contentment
* Experience insecurities
* Have lower life satisfaction
* Have lower job satisfaction
And as Stephen Covey said:
“Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival — to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.”
Remember… what you appreciate, appreciates back!
For a transformation to occur in your relationships, it has to occur in YOU first, and in your ability to set better boundaries with others.
Do you feel like your communication style often causes you to feel misunderstood, unheard, or undervalued at work or in your personal relationships?
Do you often focus on being so caring towards others that you forget your own needs?
Do you find yourself trying to take responsibility for other people’s feelings and problems to the point of emotional burnout?
Do you often say YES to things you don’t want to do because you don’t know how to say ‘no’ without disappointing others, expressing your true feelings without guilt, or causing confrontation?
Do you want to communicate openly without compromising your needs even if you fear confrontation?
Take charge of your life by learning to set better boundaries with others and living life, free from the fear of rejection or what other people think of you.
This applies to your work environment as well.
You are either a good communicator or not!
When you feel upset/annoyed/frustrated, do you tend to close off instead of speaking up?
Do you tend to bottle down your emotions, or do you know how to express them without sounding accusative or defensive?
Clear, non-violent communication that delivers our emotions directly and compassionately is key to resolving any conflict.
- Are You A People-Pleaser? Questions For Personal Reflection
- The 5 Steps To Conflict Resolution | Luna Voda Coaching
- How To Express Your Needs Without Guilt
- “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy”: How To Stop Comparing And Start Living
- Overcome The Fear of Not Being Enough & Rebuild Your Confidence
Speaking your needs is not being needy; it is a sign of emotional maturity.
If you continuously run from your emotions to be perceived as ”drama-free,” you will eventually explode uncontrollably.
That said, expressing our emotions doesn’t have to come acrss as egocentric or self-centered either!
There is a happy medium between emotional escapism and emotional explosion which is called effective communication.
It is much harder to stay present and hold space for the other person than shutting down and avoiding the conversation.
And is the only way to avoid ambiguity, confusion and passive aggressiveness.
- Maintaining healthy boundaries in our interactions with the world doesn’t involve building walls.
- Maintaining healthy boundaries involves building trust. Trust in our unique needs, desires and worthiness of unedited self-expression.
- It isn’t our responsibility to teach others how to communicate effectively but is our responsibility to project clearly our own values, needs and opinions.
To more you speak up (with kindness and compassion!), the less you will shut down emotionally when you feel misunderstood or unappreciated.
When we take a step forward toward valuing our truth, our relationships begin to shift and transform towards reciprocated respect, trust and effective communication.
~ With love and care,
If you need more help learning how to ask for what you want (in all areas), I recommend you reading this article and watching the free webinar I created on the topic.
Next read: Are you a people’s pleaser?
Success, in any area of your life, is 25% of what you’re doing and 75% who you’re BEING.
Ask yourself, “Who AM I BEING while communicating with my partner/the people in my life?”
Then ask yourself, “Do I like this person?”; “Do I like the way I communicate?”
Before comparing yourself to others, ask yourself:
“Why does this person or situation trigger me to feel bad about myself?”;
“Does comparing to them uplift me or does it bring me self-doubt?”
“Do I compare myself to others because I genuinely look up to them, or because deep down I doubt my equal worthiness of success?